You’ve walked away from situations that no longer served you. You’ve let go of friends who didn’t respect your boundaries. You’ve ended relationships that made you question your worth. But what about your relationship with money?
Because if we’re being honest, many of us are still stuck in the most toxic relationship of all: the one we have with money and debt.
This Valentine’s Day, let’s talk about a different kind of love story. The one between you and your finances. The kind of love story that doesn’t involve flowers or overpriced dinners, but clarity, boundaries, and healing.
You can’t afford another year of avoidance, shame, or emotional spending. Not when your future is on the line.
Let’s talk about what’s really going on.
The Truth About Toxic Money Relationships
Toxic money habits don’t always look like financial disaster. Sometimes they look like:
- Overspending to “treat yourself” after a long week
- Avoiding your bank app because it gives you anxiety
- Feeling guilty for having money when others don’t
- Saying yes to expenses you can’t afford because you don’t want to disappoint anyone
- Ignoring your debt because it feels too overwhelming
These behaviors are easy to justify. But over time, they create patterns. And patterns become your lifestyle.
Toxic doesn’t always mean dramatic. Sometimes it’s quiet, familiar, and wrapped in survival. But it still holds you back.
Culture and the Money Wounds We Don’t Talk About
If you grew up in a culture where money wasn’t openly discussed—or only brought up during stress or crisis—your relationship with it likely started from a place of fear.
Maybe you’re the first in your family to make real money. Or the one trying to break cycles. Or the one who’s expected to carry everyone else because you’ve “always had it together.”
In many Latina and first-gen households, money is more than just math. It’s responsibility, silence, guilt, and identity.
You might have been taught to:
- Save everything just in case
- Never talk about money because it’s rude or shameful
- Take care of others first, even when it stretches you thin
- Feel bad for wanting more, even if you’ve worked hard for it
These aren’t just bad habits. They’re generational patterns. And while you didn’t start them, you can decide where they end.
Signs You’re Still in a Toxic Relationship with Money
Let’s name it. If any of this feels familiar, you’re not alone, and there’s nothing wrong with you.
- You check your bank balance with a knot in your stomach
- You shop to cope, then avoid looking at your statement
- You earn well but still feel like you’re “bad with money”
- You avoid budgeting because it feels restrictive
- You fear debt or ignore it completely
- You don’t know your numbers, but you know your triggers
This type of relationship is exhausting. Especially when you’re working hard and doing your best. You deserve better.
Here’s one simple way to start shifting it: clarity.
Before you jump into any budgeting app or financial plan, start with the truth. Write it down. Not to judge, but to get grounded.
Three Quick Things You Can Do Today
1. List Your Debts
Write them on paper or in a note on your phone. Credit cards, personal loans, student loans, anything you owe.
2. Add the APR for Each One
If you’re not sure, log into the account and look. The APR tells you how much interest you’re paying to borrow that money. It’s the silent cost most people never check.
3. Write Down the Balance
Not to shame yourself, but to finally look your numbers in the eye. This isn’t about panic. This is about power.
When you see the full picture, you can make decisions that serve you. Even if you don’t take action right away, awareness builds momentum.
This Valentine’s Day, Choose You
Valentine’s Day can still feel special, and it doesn’t have to come with financial stress.
Maybe in the past, you said yes to things that didn’t align with your goals. Maybe you spent more than you wanted just to feel enough. Or gifted out of pressure, not joy.
But this year, you get to do things differently.
You don’t have to prove love through purchases. You don’t have to perform wellness or generosity to be worthy.
Love can look like a quiet evening, a movie from the library, and a meal that reminds you of home. It can be a letter to yourself about the woman you’re becoming—someone grounded in clarity and intention.
Let this year be the one where your celebration reflects your values, not someone else’s expectations.
Self-respect is a form of love, too.
Three Small Ways to Start Healing Your Money Story
You don’t need to change everything overnight. You just need a starting point.
1. Start a Money Confession Journal
Write openly and without judgment. Reflect on questions like:
- What did I learn about money growing up?
- What habits no longer serve me?
- What makes me feel anxious when I think about finances?
- What does a healthy money relationship look like to me?
You can’t shift what you haven’t made visible. Give yourself space to reflect.
2. Schedule a Weekly Money Date
Choose a consistent time—maybe Sunday mornings with cafecito—and take 20–30 minutes to check your balances, look at your expenses, and see what’s coming up. Not to criticize, but to stay connected.
Light a candle. Play your favorite playlist. Make it a ritual, not a punishment.
3. Invite a Money Accountability Buddy
You don’t have to do this alone. In fact, it’s easier not to.
Text someone you trust and invite them to check in with you weekly. Here’s a message you can copy and send:
“Hey—random but real. I’m trying to break up with some toxic money habits this year. Want to be my accountability buddy? We don’t have to do anything fancy. Maybe we just check in once a week with a voice note or text like ‘Did you look at your money today?’ That’s it. No pressure, just support.”
Sometimes, all it takes is one honest conversation to build momentum.
You Don’t Need to Live in Financial Survival Mode
You are not here just to push through and “make it work.” You are not here to live on autopilot, doing mental math every time you swipe your card, or waking up at 3 a.m., wondering if you forgot to pay a bill.
That kind of constant financial tension isn’t normal. It’s just familiar. Especially for those of us who were taught that stress is just part of adulthood. As long as the lights are on and rent is paid, we should be grateful and keep going.
But what if survival isn’t the finish line?
You deserve more than just getting by. You deserve to make decisions from a place of peace, not panic. To know that your money is supporting your goals, not constantly working against them. You deserve softness, space, and options.
Survival mode teaches us to fear money, to avoid it, obsess over it, or use it to prove we’re okay. But healing your relationship with money teaches you something different: that money is a tool. That clarity is self-respect. That you get to decide what ease looks like in your life.
This is about more than budgeting. It’s about reclaiming your power.
Because toxic habits don’t just drain your account. They steal your energy. They cloud your ability to make long-term plans. They hold you back from negotiating higher pay, setting boundaries with family, or building generational wealth.
And the longer you stay in that cycle, the easier it becomes to believe it’s just who you are.
But it’s not who you are. It’s just a season. A pattern. A story you get to rewrite.
Here’s what thriving might look like:
- You check your account without shame
- You say no to things that don’t align with your priorities
- You use your money with purpose, not panic
- You stop punishing yourself for past mistakes
- You ask for help when you need it—without guilt
It’s not about having it all figured out. It’s about being honest about where you are and committed to where you want to go.
And most importantly, it’s about knowing you don’t have to do it alone.