My life partner of 21 years passed away in 2022. I have been told that even though we never married, I am eligible for part of his Social Security or SSI benefits if I can show that I have been living with him for at least seven years. I can do this easily, but the wording as far as collecting benefits says “spouse.” I have been told that I could be eligible but have to, in essence, “fight” for it. I live in New York state. Am I eligible?
— Silent Partner
Dear Partner,
The Social Security Administration almost always requires a couple to be legally married in order to be considered a spouse for the sake of any benefits.
That can include common law marriage, a status in some states that allows a cohabitating man and woman to be regarded as legally married without purchasing a marriage license. To be married under common law, you might have to live together for a certain number of years (like seven) or simply be regarded in your community as husband and wife. (The language of common law marriage doesn’t tend to account for same-sex couples.) Just a few states recognize common law marriage; New York isn’t one of them.
The SSA does say, though, that it may treat a cohabitating man and woman as married “if they hold themselves out as husband and wife to the community in which they live.” It notes this is rare, but it’s possible. It doesn’t specify what counts as holding yourselves out as married.
If you and your partner are a man and a woman, your 21 years together might pass this test. Speak with an SSA representative in your area and possibly a lawyer familiar with Social Security to determine your options for proving yourself as a spouse.
Because SSA’s language is gendered, you might face a greater barrier being classified as a spouse if you’re a same-sex couple.
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